The Power of Happy

When it comes to work and happiness most of us of the "Baby Boomer" persuasion would regard happiness as purely a bonus- something of a lucky accident that might occur on our way to the attainment of other more "legit" goals. As "Type A" folks who sacrifice much of our personal lives and wear fatigue like a badge of honor, in pursuit of achievement, advancement and the visible trappings of success, we might regard happiness as some sort of consolation prize for those who didn't quite make the cut. Maybe we are getting a little soft or just tired! But one thing is for sure, the conversation about the importance of happiness is changing.

Over the last 10-15 years new generations of leaders have brought new perspectives about what success means and even the patrician leaders who are moving into the twilight of their careers are beginning to see the light.  The light being that happiness and meaning in our work lives is a noble goal and in fact important - not only important to high-functioning company cultures, but also to the bottom line.

According to a recent article on inc.com, "Companies in all sectors have been increasingly  investing in the happiness of employees, with firms like Etsy going so far as to create a Gross Happiness Index, and Google gathering metrics to optimize the length of its free lunch lines (too long, and people are annoyed; too short, they don't get to chit-chat)."

In an article for Harvard Business Review, Shawn Achor suggests that research shows that when people work with a positive mindset, performance on nearly every level, productivity, creativity and engagement ~ improves. Yet happiness is perhaps the most misunderstood driver of performance.  Most people believe that success precedes and drives happiness when actually the opposite is true. His research in 48 countries suggests that every business outcome shows improvement when the brain is positive.

In a sweeping meta analysis of 225 academic studies, Sonya Lybomirsky, Laura King and Ed Diener found that happy employees have, on average 31% higher productivity; their sales are 37% higher; their creativity is three times higher.

Although our natural inclination toward positivity is important, we can all manage our personal sense of well-being if we incorporate positive habits into our day:

• Practice gratitude, reflect on the blessings in your life to maintain a balanced perspective.
• Exercise everyday.  If the idea of working out seems unattainable, even maintaining an active lifestyle can make a difference.
• Involve others in your life, practice reaching out and sharing your difficulties and offer your support in return.
• Look for humor and don't take yourself too seriously.
• Manage your stress with meditation and manage you goals with purpose.

Making personal happiness a priority is a win-win for everyone.  Perhaps it is time we acknowledge that happiness is the prize and not the surprise!

image credit: gregrevell.com

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

Hearing is easy, it’s listening that’s hard. 

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak~ Epictetus.

Listening is a very important part of my job as an executive coach.  Regrettably, it doesn’t come easily to me.  I often describe myself as a “verbal thinker”.  It’s not an excuse, I love language and words.  My thoughts actually show up as words.  My problem-solving materializes as internal dialogue and my end-of-day reflections flow like journal entries. It is for this reason, that closing my mouth, opening my mind and staying fully present is particularly challenging. 

Listening is one of those things that we all know is important, we would all like to do this better and yet most of us seldom spend any time working on improvement. Like taking vitamins, exercising and flossing, we get lazy and we slip into habits that are less than optimal.   Listening is a verb, and let me clarify, not the "state of being" kind of verb, it is an "active" verb….  active, in that, we have to work at it. It’s not just about sitting quietly.

So what exactly do you need to be doing to be a great listener?

1.  Be attentive.  Attentiveness is shown in your posture, your eye contact and your lack of distraction.

     (yes, I am talking about those pesky electronics)
2.  Adjust to the speaker’s pace of communicating. Wait and don’t finish sentences or help them find words,
     unless invited.  No interrupting.  (This is hardest for me)
3.  Provide encouraging responses.  Non-verbally it’s about your facial expressions: smiling and nodding.

     Use affirming verbal responses like:
                         “Uh-huh”, “I understand”, “ Of course….”
4.  Respond to what you are hearing…

     Ask questions
     Reflect back what you have heard.
                          “You don’t want to get involved with that…”

                          “You really want to make a change…”
5.  Respond to emotion even if it is not verbalized.
                          “You seem pretty upset about this…”
6.  Organize their message.  

                          “So it’s really two things that are bothering you…”
7.  Ask for permission to move the speaker to a new perspective.
                          “Do you want to know what I think?”
                          “Can I make a suggestion here?”
                          “Can I offer you some feedback?”

Here are some facts that might encourage you to join me in making better listening a priority. Take a look at these statistics from the International Listening Association (www.listen.org):

• Immediately after we listen to someone, we only recall about 50% of what they said.
• Long-term, we only remember 20% of what we hear.
• More than 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business.

I think Doug Larson was right when he said “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk”.  So, even though I do prefer talking, I will be forever striving to do better on this. How about you?

imagecredit: dreamstime.com

"For a While, I Talked Myself into Eating Eggplant..."

While on assignment in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, I had dinner with a former colleague, a former boss of mine in fact. I was looking forward to dinner at the excellent Italian restaurant he had chosen. I pondered the menu and settled on the Veal Sorrentino.  My colleague commented on my selection, suggesting that although the veal sounded great he wasn’t really a fan of the eggplant included in the description. He went on to say that he had, for a while, talked himself into eating eggplant because he thought it was a good thing to do.  He soon decided that eggplant wasn’t for him. The idea of talking himself into eating eggplant and making a diligent effort for a while struck me as quite funny.  As I drove home the 180 + miles from the assignment I began thinking about how often I have “talked myself into” doing something because it seemed like a good idea. This concept also struck me as quite contrary to my current thinking about trusting our instincts and being true to our authentic selves. 

Let’s talk about decision making...

There is no doubt that the most effective decision making is a mix of instinct and objectivity; emotion and reasoning. Science writer and researcher Jonah Lehrer sees our daily life choices as a tug of war, an exhausting battle between our gut feelings and our reasoned thoughts.

"For a long time people have said that the best way to make a decision is to be rational," Lehrer said. "And yet, in recent years, scientists have discovered that the rational brain can only take in a few bits of information at any given moment. So, you start giving it too much information and it starts to short-circuit and sputter."

"Our emotional brain is actually much better at taking in lots and lots of information," he said. "Summarizing lots of data very efficiently, and saying, 'Here's a feeling. Don't worry about all the details. Here's a feeling. We've already taken those details into account.' "

As I get older and I reflect on the best and the worst decisions of my life I am able to identify times when I knew the right answer but chose to go another way.  It’s reassuring to know that I had the right instinct, but disappointing that I chose to not acknowledge that good instinct.

With that said, I do think there are times when we need to give ourselves a push~ to talk ourselves into doing the things we must do. 

Here are 5 times when you should let your brain take the lead

1. When you may be holding back because you lack confidence despite evidence of your capabilities.
2. When you are choosing to lean into a challenging situation~ thoughtfully and deliberately extending beyond your comfort zone. 
3. When you choose to make a conscious sacrifice of your own needs in the interest of another.
4. When fear or insecurity is taking the helm and you are clouded by strong emotion, worry or competition. 
5. When you know that on some level you may be punishing yourself from a sentiment of guilt or regret.

If you find yourself trying hard to convince yourself that something is good idea, it may be good time to check your gut.  Instincts are important in guiding our life choices. Working hard to “talk yourself into” or “out of” anything may compromise the divine guidance your inner voice can offer.

imagecredit:dreamstime.com

Roots and Wings

I recently read a quote that said “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots and the other is wings” Hodding Carter, Jr.  As my 18 year old daughter gets ready to head off to college, I feel the truth in this.  For her whole life I have worked hard to give both her and her brother "roots".  A safe home where they could retreat and rejoice, hide or learn;  be themselves.  As they have grown I can appreciate the importance of "wings"; space to find out who they are, room to fly and explore themselves, their potential and their dreams.

When I work with professional groups, I often ask them to reflect on their work lives and to identify a manager or mentor who had impacted them in a positive way shaping their professional lives and their development. Regardless of where I am working , the answers to this question are remarkably similar.  In different vocabulary, this same concept of  Roots and Wings (safety and room) comes up again and again. It is a great metaphor for the descriptions of the managers, mentors and teachers who help us to become great.

Memorable Managers provide both Roots and Wings:

 “Roots”:

~Direction

~Guidance  

~Support

~Feedback

~Open Communication

  “Wings”:

~Stretch assignments

~Delegation

~Individual visibility & credit

~Empowerment

~Inspiration

Trust:

Trust is the key thread that contributes to most all essential leadership behaviors. Trust shows up in both the Roots category and the Wings category.  When we create an environment of trust, employees know that the relationship we share is safe.  They know that they can expect predictable responses from us, and the advocacy we express to them in private will be the same when we are publicly representing or defending them… Roots!

When we talk about the concept of wings, trust is also incredibly important.  We need to demonstrate our trust by letting go~letting go of outcomes and putting the accountability in their hands.  We need to appreciate that their path to the end result may be very different than our own and that has to be okay.  Employees need to trust that no matter what happens their manager is in their corner to figure it out, to fix it or to celebrate their success.  And lastly,  for better or worse we need to allow them to find their own place in the professional world.

Much like with our children, we are for the most part, spectators challenged to trust that all that we have invested and all that we have shared will carry them forward in the direction of success.

image credit: Plusritmova.net