The Salt and Pepper Years

I was thinking about how our professional perspective changes as we mature. Like most of my friends and colleagues, I am definitely in the second half of my life (and without tossing around clichés about 50 being the new 40) it will suffice to say that I have more professional years behind me than in front of me.

I was talking with an acquaintance today about a difficult business decision pertaining to an investment.  This gentleman is highly-experienced and finds himself trying to rebuild what can best be described as a "start-up". As we talked, he seemed desperate to recapture some previous success that he had once achieved.  He was so credible in his delivery and distinguished with his graying temples, as I listened intently to his examples and his stories.  He discussed his new plans and made various commitments about his willingness to “dig in and put in those 18 hour days”, determined to build something substantial again. I think that hard work is commendable, although these plans seemed a “mismatch”  for someone with his experience and impressive resume.  I asked him some questions about how he might leverage his experience in a broader and more financially beneficial way.  His circumstances certainly invite him to look at things from a new angle. This conversation had me reflecting on my own perspective and how it has evolved.  The more I thought about it, the more that I realized that I see similar shifts in others who are also at my stage of life.

Here’s  are some profound perspectives from my most senior and most accomplished counterparts: 

• They let go of the romantic notion of re-creating something they have previously achieved. They appreciate that they are different than they once were and that their personal evolution could introduce a new definition of success, never before explored.

• They look for opportunities to monetize their life experience and their developed skills in new and sometimes unconventional ways.

• They know that capitalizing on opportunities sometimes requires; that they approach things in a new way, come at challenges from a new direction, or develop a new model.   They look for new methods and resist the instinct to simply dig in and work harder and longer when the going gets tough.

• They allow the wisdom of their experience to guide their decision-making. They trust their gut and understand the key influences that have brought them success and failure in the past.

Time is a wonderful teacher leaving us with agility, resilience, wisdom and patience.  I am appreciating the wisdom these days!

In Praise of a Measured Response

I have been observing leaders in all walks of life, a favorite pastime of mine.  Although I am the least likely person to engage in a political debate, I, like the rest of the United States, have been watching the horse race leading up to our candidate selection for the next Presidential election.

When I have a strong reaction to something or someone, I usually try to understand where my reaction is coming from.  This helps me to better understand what I value and appreciate in others.  What I “hold dear” if you will.  I find that I value emotional control and a measured response above many other qualities when it comes to having respect for and giving a leader credibility. I am very happy to listen to opinions that are different than my own if they are thoughtful, strategic and based on data.  I can even be inspired by an impassioned plea even if I don’t share the passion.  It’s the emotional responses that are usually rash and acrimonious that send me diving for the remote control.  Anything that incites back-pedaling or takes days to qualify and repair is an error in judgment as far as I am concerned. 

Webster's dictionary defines a measured response as "done with both thought and care". I am not alone in the value I place on emotional control. Countless studies following Daniel Goleman's original work on Emotional Intelligence suggest that this matters a lot to most people.  Goleman describes a state when the emotion of a situation overrides your reasoning as an “amygdala hijacking”.  This emotional hijacking has three key signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and “when you reflect later, you realize it was inappropriate.”  Sounds a lot like the program guide for most televised political debates!

Here’s why emotional control matters:

Decision-Making

Emotional control allows reasoning skills to prevail supporting constructive decisions leading to better long-term outcomes.

Trust

The ability to empathize with others and to display a tolerance for alternative points of view contributes to trust. Trust is essential to building open relationships that effectively inspire the support and contributions of others.  Emotional volatility is like kryptonite to trust.

Predictability

We look to our leaders to have consistent, predictable responses.  We want to know and understand who they are so that we can offer our endorsement, our advocacy.  This can only be offered when we feel an alignment with their perspective and values.

If this is a challenge for you personally, develop strategies that allow you to keep your emotional reactions to yourself.  Successful people know how to process their emotions efficiently before they respond.  This takes some practice.  If your emotions tend to get the best of you, develop an "emotionally sensitive" vocabulary. Having responses that allow you to respond while at the same time granting you the opportunity for a moment of reflection are valuable for anyone.  For example, saying “I’m not sure I agree with that” is much better than blurting out “you are out of your mind”. After a little reflection, you will be better-equipped  to offer a strong and compelling response.  If you work at this diligently, you will shorten the reflection time and soon your emotional self-control will be available to you “real-time”.

Leadership is tough business whether you are negotiating with foreign nationals in the White House, holding down the fort in your office, or delivering bad news to your team. It’s all the same.  Emotional stress is emotional stress, and being capable of processing  that emotional stress by managing our gut reactions is critical to our success and our credibility. Maybe we are lucky that our employees don’t have to vote for us in order for us to stay around! 

image credit: neuronetlearning.com

The Power of Happy

When it comes to work and happiness most of us of the "Baby Boomer" persuasion would regard happiness as purely a bonus- something of a lucky accident that might occur on our way to the attainment of other more "legit" goals. As "Type A" folks who sacrifice much of our personal lives and wear fatigue like a badge of honor, in pursuit of achievement, advancement and the visible trappings of success, we might regard happiness as some sort of consolation prize for those who didn't quite make the cut. Maybe we are getting a little soft or just tired! But one thing is for sure, the conversation about the importance of happiness is changing.

Over the last 10-15 years new generations of leaders have brought new perspectives about what success means and even the patrician leaders who are moving into the twilight of their careers are beginning to see the light.  The light being that happiness and meaning in our work lives is a noble goal and in fact important - not only important to high-functioning company cultures, but also to the bottom line.

According to a recent article on inc.com, "Companies in all sectors have been increasingly  investing in the happiness of employees, with firms like Etsy going so far as to create a Gross Happiness Index, and Google gathering metrics to optimize the length of its free lunch lines (too long, and people are annoyed; too short, they don't get to chit-chat)."

In an article for Harvard Business Review, Shawn Achor suggests that research shows that when people work with a positive mindset, performance on nearly every level, productivity, creativity and engagement ~ improves. Yet happiness is perhaps the most misunderstood driver of performance.  Most people believe that success precedes and drives happiness when actually the opposite is true. His research in 48 countries suggests that every business outcome shows improvement when the brain is positive.

In a sweeping meta analysis of 225 academic studies, Sonya Lybomirsky, Laura King and Ed Diener found that happy employees have, on average 31% higher productivity; their sales are 37% higher; their creativity is three times higher.

Although our natural inclination toward positivity is important, we can all manage our personal sense of well-being if we incorporate positive habits into our day:

• Practice gratitude, reflect on the blessings in your life to maintain a balanced perspective.
• Exercise everyday.  If the idea of working out seems unattainable, even maintaining an active lifestyle can make a difference.
• Involve others in your life, practice reaching out and sharing your difficulties and offer your support in return.
• Look for humor and don't take yourself too seriously.
• Manage your stress with meditation and manage you goals with purpose.

Making personal happiness a priority is a win-win for everyone.  Perhaps it is time we acknowledge that happiness is the prize and not the surprise!

All for One

I was working with a team over the course of the last year to enhance their working dynamic.  Just before our last session I met with the team’s functional boss who remarked that things had improved quite a bit.  His parting comment to me was that he’d like his team to work together as well in rough waters as it does in smooth waters.

Isn’t that the ticket?  We all want that!  The only way we can build a team that weathers the stormy waters is to have a team that knows how to relate when the winds are softer.  If a team can’t master it then, they  won’t stand a chance in the tough times. However, when we build healthy and respectful habits into our team relationships we have a foundation to protect us when things get rough.

When you take a good close look at teams that survive and thrive it really comes down to 5 relationship habits:

• They focus on current circumstances, and they know each other. They adjust their expectations of one another and they worry less about what should be, and more about what is.

• They are each committed to the team’s goals, they know what needs to be done and they are willing to dive for the ball even if another member ought to be doing more.

• They each assume everyone else has the same commitment, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.

• They each ask for what they need.  Healthy teams keep talking about what is wrong, but they do it in a way that encourages improvement.

• They give each other feedback and they cushion it  with kindness. “I know you don’t mean to do this”.... 'I don’t mean to call you out here...".  "I know it has gotten a lot better lately, however…"

the "Team Player" 

I’m skeptical when someone describes themselves as a "team player", especially when they continue to describe all the wonderful qualities that make them a value to a team.  The reason this challenges me is because so much of our team effectiveness requires that we leave our ego at the door. Our participation on a team can’t be a competitive exercise.  It’s more about trust, grace and patience; elevating others, bringing  weak members along and opening our minds to the inspiration of alternate perspectives.  

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "No member of a crew is praised for the rugged individuality of his rowing".

We all belong to teams. It is the construct of our lives; families, work crews or departments, neighborhoods. It is so much more rewarding  to acknowledge that state of  belonging and to enjoy the relationship and energy that can bring us, than to stay in our own agenda and go it alone. 

imagecredit: corepics.com