Overwhelmed? Don’t follow your instincts..

I read a recent statistic that stated that 2/3 of today’s employees feel “overwhelmed”.  I have to say in my experience of talking with clients from all walks of life and work, it sounds about right.  The article blamed this truth on the proliferation of technology and the breakdown of barriers between and work and our larger lives.  I spend a fair amount of time helping people strategize how they might restore that balance.  But I think the more useful conversation centers around what that sense of overwhelming can do to your effectiveness; particularly your productivity and problem-solving skills.  In the dictionary the word “overwhelm” is defined as to overpower or crush.  Unfortunately, that is a perfect description of what that feeling can do to our effectiveness.

When we are overwhelmed we do one of two things, we become paralyzed and shut down, withdraw and stop communicating. Or, we make rash decisions about our priorities and do something, anything to get a sense of momentum hoping to escape this place, this feeling. The results are the same… mistakes, missed deadlines on key tasks and/or poor quality work.  And the consequence of those things are of course, never good.  Afterwards, upon reflection, we may still feel the same sense of complete despair. After all, what else could we have done under such overwhelming circumstances?

We’ve all been there!  So what does mindfulness have to do with any of this?  Here’s what I have observed about truly successful people. I am talking about those few unflappable sorts who seem to slide through tough times with their sanity and reputations completely intact. They resist their emotional instincts (because they know they are impaired when they are feeling overwhelmed) and they focus on making good rational choices.  Good choice-making requires that you redirect your compass away from that emotional response (which is some blend of fear, exhaustion, anger and challenged self-esteem) and into a rational, analytical and data-driven response zone.

If you are to develop rational strategies, your strategies will need to match your emotional triggers.  Here are three common emotional triggers for feeling “overwhelmed”.

#1 Mt. Overwhelm  

When you feel like the task is beyond you… or as the Irish like to say you are “not able for it”.  It is too big, too scary, too daunting or a dead on perfect match for your Achille's Heel.  Your instinct is to procrastinate and avoid this task allowing it to worry you and keep you from being effective on anything else you might be doing. Here is where you need think small.  Narrow your focus on that task and make a mindful decision to break it into the smallest possible chunks. If it still seems too big, keep hacking at until you see something that resembles a plan emerging.  Sequence those tasks in an order that makes sense, not what you would like to do first, not what you can do easily.  But rather choose an order that makes good rational sense. Set goals and timelines for getting the steps underway.  Obviously, you should also consider who else you can involve.  It may be that delegation starts to make sense when the tasks are small and defined. This will start to quell your stress reaction.  The act of planning pushes the task into your thinking brain moving it from your emotional brain. 

Then, get moving. Even if you feel you cannot afford the time it takes to address the first steps… take them anyway.  Address them as efficiently as you can, but no shortcuts. The early steps always build a foundation for success. Rushing on the front end almost always costs you time and effectiveness by the time you are done.

This may sound simple and obvious and it is. Unfortunately, it’s what we forget to remember when we are feeling overwhelmed.   

# 2  The Habitrail   

Another kind of overwhelming occurs when we feel powerless.  When we have that sense that we are on a hamster wheel going round and round and we find ourselves in the same situation over and over again. Round and round with no way off, creating that sense of powerlessness.  Your instinct here might be to avoid dealing with the longer term, you are too upset and exhausted to think big picture so you might just try to get through what you need to today. These are the times when we need to broaden our focus.  I like this book titled 9 Things You Simply Must Do, by Dr. Henry Cloud.  He describes this strategy as “Play the Movie”. Stop your auto-pilot response and think about your actions before you act and think in a longer term context. Will this get you to a different place?  Is this response contributing to this pattern? He says, “Any one thing you do is only a scene in a larger movie. To understand that action, you have to play it out all the way to end of that movie.” Think about the cause and effect…if I do this, then what will happen? Then what will happen? Then what will happen?  Try to go at least three steps out.   Forcing this reasoning will subdue your rash or emotional impulses, keeping you from any familiar poor choices. 

#3 The Waterfall

If your overwhelming comes from a sense that there is just too much, you are underwater and you can’t ever catch your breath, your instinct might be to hunker down or get busy without thinking your choices through.  You might that imagine if you just work harder or later you will be able to catch up. Instead consider..What are the high impact items?  Who are the stakeholders?  What has the biggest impact if I drop the ball?  Don’t withdraw. Don’t stop communicating. Those are powerless and emotional responses.   Assign a realistic time estimate to everything on your plate and sequence them by importance and impact.  Communicate your decisions on priorities and ask for input from bosses and internal customers.  When you communicate and “vet” your choices, you share the risk associated with these decisions. Bosses are consistently challenged by employees who come to them overwhelmed and wringing their hands with the “I need help prioritizing” mantra. I am suggesting something very different.  This is more like… “I have thought about the impact of these tasks and I think this is the best use of my time.  This means some items are going to slip so I wanted you to take a look at that before I move forward with this approach”.   It’s operating from a high functioning position. 

If we stay with what is familiar or habit, we will likely fuel the pattern of outcomes that frustrated us in the first place.  Place a longer term context on your priority setting. Ask yourself, what matters most and what could hurt you most if you don’t deal with it? 

Pull the emergency brake, think about your next response, then take the steering wheel and steer in a thoughtful direction. Guess what?.. Now you are driving.  Any decisions you make here will help you to feel less powerless. After careful analysis, you may choose to stay in your current mode, for today and there may be good rationale for that.  But even then, it isn’t happening to you anymore, it is happening because you decided to stay in that place, for now.  And you have some solid ideas about what you may do differently tomorrow.  Wayne Dyer has a nice quote that says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

So mindfulness is the antidote for overwhelm.  The next time you feel that emotional “crush”

1. Slow your thoughts
2. Employ your rational brain
3. Decide whether you need to narrow your focus or think bigger picture (or both)
4. Take the wheel and START STEERING!

image credit: Fotosearch.com

Talent alone won't make you a success....

 

Johnny Carson once said “Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'”

 

I have been thinking a lot about environment, as my 18 year old daughter and I go around visiting colleges.  Some environments just seem “right” for her, there are others where I simply cannot see her and she is having similar instincts herself.   I think that this gut instinct about the “right” environment lives in us all.  Successful people know how to develop, understand and listen to those instincts...and make themselves “ready”.  “Readiness” is about being prepared and open to exploring new circumstances and the opportunities that surround us every day. 

 

Having been a business coach for over 15 years, I see how people change and evolve as they move from place to place.  I marvel at the differences environment can make in their success.  I have seen people (terrific people I might add), completely unravel in the wrong job or in the wrong environment.  I marvel when I see them in a new situation that suits them better.  They are Rock Stars!!  Seemingly transformed!  Part of it is what the new environment gives them and part of it is what they give the new environment.  There is something extraordinarily powerful about the combination of a great fit and a ready heart and mind. We are comfortable, we feel secure and our strengths and talents are in full play. It’s magical! Sounds good right?  I follow a philosopher/poet named David Whyte.  He speaks about the necessity of engaging in difficult conversations with ourselves and specifically about the power of asking ourselves “beautiful” questions particularly in “unbeautiful” situations!

 

Ask yourself the following Beautiful Questions…

 

Beautiful Question #1 : What does a “good day” look like?  Think about the last time you had a really good day, I mean a high five, punching the air with your fist, happy dance kind of day.  (okay, so maybe happy dance was too much). 

Beautiful Question #2: What went on that day that brought you to that state?  What were you doing? What felt ”right”? 

 

Okay, here is the tough question…

 

Beautiful Question #3: How often do you have that feeling?  Maybe it’s not a whole day that feels like that but how often do you feel like you are in the “right” place; doing the things that fulfill you or feeling excited about your contribution?

 

Beautiful Question #4: What does this awareness tell you about your talents and strengths?  Secret tip here, what feels best is likely what you DO best.  We should aspire to create an environment that allows us to explore that space as often as possible.

 

Beautiful Question #5: What causes you frustration?  You know, that agitation that causes you to snap at your spouse or partner, send that angry email or have an extra evening glass of wine (or two or three).  Approach this thought with another question. 

 

Beautiful Question #6: What can I change about this?  Is there any, any, any thing I can influence to make this work better or feel better for me?”  Be realistic, but push yourself hard on the boundaries of that thought.  

 

Okay, the long term goal is “Rock Star”, but we all have bills to pay and change can be incredibly disruptive.  So we need to be smart about this. Start with small, safe changes.  Experiment! Treat your work life like a lab. 

 

Talk to others about how they feel or what they appreciate about the environment you work in. Don’t entertain complaining as it will only energize your dissatisfaction.

 Identify your issues, tackle the ones you feel you are ready to address

• Your work space
• The way you approach your work each day
• Some aspect of a necessary working relationship
• Your job responsibilities
• Differences in working style with your coworkers or boss
• Personal alignment with company culture     

Notice some of these are big and scary and others are quite address-able. The good news is that there are an infinite number of adjustments we can control in the “environment” of our work lives. All of them can make some difference in our motivation and our success! 

 

I get wistful for my daughter… such a big step, but I know that we develop our instincts by putting ourselves in new environments and seeing how they “feel” when we are living them. Our commitment is tested when we find ourselves in a place where we realize that despite all our efforts, we simply cannot be our best self and stay there. The hardest thing is to be brave enough to trust that instinct and make the necessary changes in our lives.  This is not easy… in fact, it is the farthest thing from easy. But self-awareness and clarity will ensure any changes or choices you make will be catapulting you toward something much, much better. So, back to that first important question… Beautiful Question #7:  Are you Ready?  

My name is half an hour early....

Jarod Kintz says"My name is half an hour early, but my body is on time." (Unless you are my brother, in which case your body is typically 30 minutes late!) But this isn't about time management, it's about reputation. The quote reminds us that our reputation always precedes us... for better or worse.  As an executive coach, I am constantly reminded of the importance of  reputation.  Sometimes I feel like my job title should be "bearer of bad news" because regrettably, it isn't often that our "work family" will tap us on the shoulder and hold up that mirror for us. Most of us really don't know what our reputation is or when it may have become tarnished until it affects our success.

Think of your reputation as a "relationship barometer".  It is simply a measure of how we are relating to others from their point of view. Seeking feedback and fine tuning your observation skills should give you a good read. Ask yourself the following questions:
Do you....

• Find yourself having to work harder to gain support or resources for your initiatives?
• Have difficulty getting people to respond to your calls or email communication?
• Find that others are not seeking your input or involving you in the decisions that are most relevant for you? 

These are just a few of the symptoms of a reputation in need of some restoration.  The good news is that in most cases reputations can be restored.


Consider these steps...


1. Create a description of the reputation you would like to have.  Use adjectives and be as specific as you can.  How would you like to be described?  If your employees or co-workers were asked about you, what would you like them to say?

2. Visualize a typical day in your work life and try to imagine the behaviors that would lead others to see you that way.  Imagine you are writing a play.  How would the character you have described in step one behave?  What would they do?


3. Identify "Reputation Role Models".  Think of others you respect. Observe their communication behaviors. Read their emails and notice the vocabulary they select.  Study the way they communicate new ideas and they way they approach conflict. Notice their public behavior in meetings.  Observe their participation, how do they speak, when and how often?  Take all of these observations and choose a few that could feel authentic for you and start to incorporate one or two key ideas into your daily communication habits.

4.  Identify your professional stakeholders. Who is impacted most by what you do?  Whose opinion matters and how do they benefit from your success?  Likewise, how are they impacted when you fail?  The reputation you have with these individuals is key to your success or failure and so any reputation work you do should begin here. Focus on these relationships first.

5.  Choose a few target relationships and ask for feedback.  Asking for feedback elevates the relationship immediately!  If you did nothing but this you would instantly see some relationship improvement.  It's hard and scary to make yourself vulnerable, but when you ask for help you are engaging others in your improvement and inviting them to allow you to change.  You create an invitation for them to observe new behaviors in you and they will be far more likely to (a) notice those new behaviors and (b) trust that those new behaviors are genuine.

6. Be kind to yourself.  We all have shortcomings and we all find ourselves off course sometimes.  The new behaviors may feel awkward but be patient and stay with it.  Your reputation has been built over time and it will take some time to paint a new picture. 

And lastly, keep your sense of humor.  Show your lighter side to others.  You will both walk away feeling more positive!