Reality: What a Concept!

While preparing a coaching program for a client organization, I came across a blog by Peri Shawn, of Salesforce.com titled, Are Your Coaching Questions as Effective As They Could Be?  

One of the keen insights she shares is the idea that, as leaders, we often spend too much time coaching to our ideal or to our theoretical vision of good rather than “Coaching to our team’s reality”. I found this to be particularly profound.  I think we do this all the time in all aspects of our life.

As we set our goals and aspirations for this New Year, it seems appropriate that we remember to focus on our current circumstances without the rose-colored glasses.

Go To Where They Are

We can benefit from Peri Shawn’s wisdom, when we are coaching others, whether in a business context or as a parent or even as a friend. Spending time selling a desired state or vision of improvement will do little to produce results if the other person’s current state is too distant from your vision. Taking time to understand the current circumstances and charting a methodical course of improvement in incremental steps is far more likely to produce results.

A coach named Jason Jordan says:  “Coaching should not be an exercise of re-iterating the destination – to win the game or to achieve a quota. And it shouldn’t be an exercise of ramping up the urgency – to run faster on a soccer field or to panic more in a sales territory. Coaching should be about improving a person’s ability to do their job.  Increasing their skills... Improving their decision-making… Changing their behaviors. In other words, making them more capable. Most people understand what they need to accomplish, and most people are motivated to do it.  What they need is help getting there.”

Keep it Real

Jack Welsh, renowned CEO of GE was once quoted as saying, “Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be.”

Even in our assessment of our own personal circumstances we need to be realistic.  Whether you are embarking on improved health goals, addressing financial challenges, or advancing your career, taking a good honest look your current situation will prepare you to develop achievable steps toward reaching your improvement objectives. Small, consistent steps starting with accurate self-awareness can bring a lot more progress than you might imagine.   

Darren Hardy is a motivational speaker and writer who says: “You are only one or two habits away from a massive transformation in any area of your life.”

Keep Moving

My son, who has always been an enterprising young man, is now taking an entrepreneurial-thinking class in his final semester of college. It is exciting to see the enthusiasm and energy this class is inspiring.  Each day he seems to have a wealth of new schemes and dreams. Having seen his resourcefulness, I know he will accomplish some of these great things.  My best advice to him is... "keep your head in the clouds, but keep your feet on the ground-- always marching forward". It is the same advice I have for myself, more often than I would like to admit.   So be where you ARE! Take off the rose-colored glasses! And keep marching forward!

Famed English businessman Harold Geneen once said “Words are words, explanations are explanations, promises are promises but only performance is reality.” 

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Ostriches Can't Fly

Technically, ostriches can’t fly because they are not graced with a working pair of wings.  But I love the metaphor, because few things will facilitate your professional demise more certainly than keeping your head buried in the proverbial sand.

As a professional leadership coach, I have had the experience of helping countless professionals navigate and recover from what can only be described as professional upheavals. These misfortunes are often described as complete “blindsides”, coming unexpectedly “out of left field”. And yet, upon reflection, most people look back on the period of time immediately prior to the misfortune and say things like, “I should have seen it coming” or I can see now that “this was going on for a while”.

The challenge for all of us is to stay present enough to focus on the changing political tides that are shifting all the time in our professional lives, without becoming too distracted, preoccupied, or downright paranoid in the process. When I speak to professionals about participating in office politics the reaction is always the same: utter disdain, closely followed by an indignant proclamation that “I don’t engage in all that”.  As if the suggestion of exercising their professional influence deliberately is something smarmy, akin to a selling of thier soul. Whether you work in large company, a small family business or even as an independent professional serving customers, your ability to read the proverbial “writing on the wall” may be the difference between work-related success and failure. 

So what exactly can you do to prevent yourself from falling victim to the lost customer, the missed promotion, the organizational restructure that leaves you with a lousy outcome?  The best answer: stay engaged and present.

For most of us, the first reaction when things get uncertain in our work life is to “hunker down”. We stay “under the radar”, trusting that our good work will speak for itself and that things will ultimately work out for the best. This approach is risky. Whether you are serving a customer, satisfying a new boss, or trying to change a reputation issue, actively influencing your outcomes is much wiser. Here's how:

Pay Attention

Observe the relationships of others. Who seems to be in the know? What leaders seem to be losing traction, involved in less announcements, less visible in decisions, presentations? This could give you a sense of where the organization is headed. If it’s a customer you are working with, who is the true decision maker?  Make sure you are getting in front of the right people.

Trust Your Gut

We are all blessed with an instinctive “brain” that lives in our belly. It allows us to sense when things may not be quite right. Allowing your gut instinct to ruminate into worry and fear will not do you any good. If you can, instead, practice staying tuned-in to those instincts and moving that “feeling” to the rational brain for further analysis, you can capitalize on the natural foreshadowing tool that it is.  

Stay Connected

Be visible. Make sure others are always aware of what you “do all day”. This doesn’t have to be an 8-hour commercial for your personal brand. But copying others on important emails (selectively), and mentioning your daily activities in casual conversation, will allow others to stay aware of your contributions. Ask to be involved in key meetings. Ask questions and demonstrate interest, informally and often.

Listen to Influencers

Within every organization there are those whose power and influence extends far beyond the hierarchal position or pay grade. Stay familiar with those folks. Pay attention to where they are focusing their energies. Don’t ever mistake the office gossip for an influencer. If you do, you will be doing nothing but wasting your time. And when the conversation turns to conspiracy theories, it’s time to get back to work.

Embrace Change

Stay open and be on the flexible side. Changes may not be favorable but if they are already set in stone, resisting them will only alienate you. If you have legitimate concerns, make your best attempt to share them constructively and then follow orders. Time has a way of exposing flawed decision- making. You don’t have to be the one to do that if there is a resistance to rethinking an established direction. 

Volunteer

Stay positive and involved. Look for ways to make yourself indispensable. This will keep you “in the know” when new directions materialize. Helpful people simply do better when it comes to forming strong professional connections.

Address Tension

When you feel that a bridge may be burning, approach the tension with an open mind and seek to understand the source of the friction. Remember perceptions are never “wrong”. They represent the other person’s “real and accurate” experience of a situation. Share information and educate, rather than becoming defensive. Stay away from blame; it will never change the past anyway. Always bring a future mindset and a goal of having things go more smoothly in the future.

There is no single strategy that will keep your career moving in a positive direction and no advice that will protect you from the suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from time to time. But at least for me, there is nothing worse than being caught unprepared. "Predict-ability" is the one skill that will give you an advantage no matter what your future holds. 

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It's All About the Face

I had a friend who used to refer to certain conversations as “eyeball to eyeball” conversations.  It made perfect sense to me then, and still does, that the most intimate, self-disclosing, or contentious of our day to day conversations would be best handled “in person”.  But there is a growing body of psychological research that suggests that more frequent face-to-face communication is also extremely important to our personal relationships, satisfaction and quality of life.

In a recent article on FastCompany.com, free-lance writer, Lisa Evans, summarizes some of the most interesting findings about face-to-face communication.  Evans quotes psychologist Susan Pinker, author of The Village Effect, who warns of the pitfalls of electronic communications when she writes “our growing lack of social contact is hindering our ability to build strong business relationships, and may also have a negative impact on our health and happiness.”

Real conversations actually cause us to release “feel good” hormones!

Susan Pinker discusses the role that face-to-face communication plays in the release of oxytocin, also called the cuddle chemical, as it’s the same hormone released in women breastfeeding to bond with their babies.

“While experts formerly viewed oxytocin as a female hormone, it’s now raising interest in the business community for its ability to facilitate trust. When people connect physically—through a handshake, a pat on the back or a high five—oxytocin is released, promoting feelings of attachment and trust, facilitating greater collaboration among team members.

Oxytocin plays a number of other important roles, such as boosting mood and improving our ability to learn and remember. Increased social contact has also been shown to dampen cortisol—the chemical that is released when we’re under stress.

These chemical reactions do not occur through email or even a Skype chat, but through real-life human-to-human contact. ‘The real-life connections that we all crave—that we’ve evolved to benefit from through many millennia of evolution—can’t be replaced by texting or email,’ says Pinker. Yet, rather than getting up to walk to a colleague’s desk, most of us will simply shoot off an email.”

There is no doubt that our electronic capabilities enhance our real time communication effectiveness, but the many benefits of face-to-face interactions are lost when we rely too heavily on our digital alternatives.

Real social contact boosts productivity!

In her book, Pinker cites various studies that show increased social contact can not only give our mood a boost, but our productivity as well. One such study of 25,000 call center agents demonstrates this clearly. In the experiment, employees were divided into two groups—one who took staggered breaks alone, and another who took breaks with their coworkers. Those who had an opportunity for 15 minutes to chat and socialize with coworkers showed a 20% increase in performance.

Social interaction makes us healthier!

Physical connectivity also delivers important health benefits. Numerous studies have shown that individuals who live active social lives recover from illness faster than those who are more isolated. A 2006 University of California, San Francisco study of 3,000 women with breast cancer found those with a large network of friends were four times as likely to survive the disease than women with fewer social connections. These connections involved face-to-face contact, not Facebook friends or Twitter followers.

Incorporating more face time in the workplace requires a rethink of communications. "We’ve been presented with a dilemma right now," says Pinker. "In business, digital connection with social media is considered to be the Holy Grail. It’s cheaper; it’s more convenient. But when it comes to worker productivity, happiness, and satisfaction, those companies that are focusing on face-to-face interaction are taking the lead in their industries."

Remote workers need real social contact too!

A census bureau report found that 13.4 million people worked from home at least one day per week in 2010 and the remote workforce grew 80 % between 2005 and 2012.  So, how can we bring these real social contact benefits to our remote working relationships.  I suggest the following:

• Connect daily with remote workers. Be sure to add pleasantries to your correspondence. 

• Make time to chat.  Don’t stay so focused on business that you forget that there is real person on the other end of the phone or keyboard. Ask questions and share personal information.

• Pick up the phone to share good news or to recognize efforts. Acknowledge personal milestones like birthdays and work anniversaries as well as business accomplishments.

• Embrace the “virtual team”. Facilitate team time for remote workers with team calls that allow for casual conversation.  Schedule a remote worker coffee break.

Relationships matter and the best ones are built on genuine, good old-fashioned eyeball-to-eyeball connections. So get up and walk around or at least pick up the phone and connect!

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10 Surfire Ways to Enhance any Speech or Presentation

Mark Twain once said that "There are two kinds of speakers, those who are nervous and those who are liars".

Public Speaking and stand-up presentations can make even the most confident professional come “undone”. I work regularly with clients on improving their skills and comfort in this area.  Making winning presentations is about making an impactful, genuine and intimate connection with every person in your audience whether its 5 people or 50 people, or 150 people.

So, here are my ten Surefire Ways to Enhance Any Speech or Presentation:

Be a storyteller.  Bring your audience with you by painting a picture, use colorful language (no expletives or jargon!) and descriptive adjectives to create the mood and inspire the response you want from your listener. 

Whether you are making a sales pitch or illustrating a problem, clear descriptive words will drive outcomes.

Manage your facial expression.  Audiences prefer a “relaxed ready expression” that is a soft open expression with a slight smile. And allow your facial expression to match your message.

Videotape yourself or have a friend help you.  Speak to the camera in a conversational tone and describe a topic that you know well, like your  family.  When you watch the recording,  notice the animation in your face and vocal tone.  It is exactly that natural tone and animation you will want to bring to your presentation. That’s YOU being YOU! Even formal presentations are better when the speaker is relaxed and animated.

Start strong.  Impressions of your speaking abilities will be formed in the few seconds.  This may sound scary but it is actually great news!  It means you have only to practice those first few lines of introduction.  Get them down pat and you will be amazed how your nervousness leaves you as you get started in a confident way.

Stand up tall and breathe deeply, opening your chest and your lungs will deepen your voice and amplify your projection. Before you begin, take a few long deep breaths. As you breath, extend both your arms as far out to the side as you can.  This will relax your arms and prepare you to make broad and open gestures. 

Make eye contact with one person at a time.  Choose friendly faces in the room and make sure you connect with one person in all four corners of the room and the center. Addressing one individual will relax you and it will make the conversation seem more intimate.

Keep you visuals simple.  People love pictures.  Use pictures to illustrate your points save the data for your handouts. Limit slide text to a few key words that will jog your memory. Watch a few TED talks online.  Pay attention to the visuals they use. Visuals should be the backdrop for your talk, not the focus, ever.

Don’t skimp on the transitions. Add transition slides between topics.  A transition slide may have only a picture or a one line heading. It will give you a place to regroup and will help the audience to stay with you.  Remember you are the "GPS" for the listeners.  Be clear about where you are going and why.

Practice standing up and talking.  Stand up in front of a mirror and read out loud. Add vocal variety and emphasis to main points. Be theatrical.  Practice being larger than life, modulate you pacing and volume.  This will allow you to get comfortable with your range of expression.

Move with purpose. As you are presenting, take one or two steps from side to side in either direction and forward.  Make deliberate steps and make sure both feet make the move. You don’t have to move far or often (no pacing).  By making those deliberate moves you are releasing the tension and energy from your body. This will help you relax and will enhance your gesturing.

Whether you are making a toast at a wedding or introducing a new product to prospective clients, people love authenticity.  Just be a larger version of who you already are and you will have them eating out of your hand!

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"What Can I Bring?"

“What can I bring?” is my typical response when I receive an invitation.  Like most of us, I look forward to invitations and spend time thinking about; how the event will be, what I will wear, who I might see there, what impression would I like to make, what conversations I might have, etc. etc..  I received an invitation to a New Year’s Eve party that sounded like a lot of fun, and since I am really looking forward to the fresh beginning that comes with every New Year, I was very excited for the opportunity to prepare for this event. While I was reflecting on this auspicious flip of the calendar, I was thinking about how each new year is in fact an invitation.  Like any invitation, in order to get the most out of it, we should prepare and approach this transition as we might approach a sought-after invitation to a wonderful event!

So, “What can you bring?” to the New Year in order to make it the best it can be?

• Your experience~ What are your strengths and how will you leverage those strengths in the coming year?  Take an inventory and stay focused. Think commerce! How can you monetize your greatest skills?

• Your wisdom~ What have you learned about yourself? What mistakes can you avoid? What patterns would you like to change in your relationships?

• Your optimism~ Expect good things! We have all heard the spiritual wisdom that suggests that positive energy attracts positive things… like attracts like. Stay positive to create the opportunity for more abundance in your life.

• Your confidence~ Believe in yourself and push yourself into new situations. Trust that you are ready to achieve the greatest goals of your life. If you feel insecure, call someone who knows how great you are and believe them when they tell you “you’ve got this”!

• Your open mind~ Make this the year that you lose the comparisons. Each new year brings its own story. If you are busy trying to recreate your history, you will limit your ability to experience new adventures.

In 2015, may you realize all the promise that the new year has to offer, may you discover your best self, and may your life take the shape of your dreams.

Happy New Year!

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