Friday, May 30, 2014

Take Off the Training Wheels!


It is impossible to become successful while always playing it safe!  So why not challenge yourself to become more comfortable with risk? Not sure? Maybe these wise words will convince you…

“Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one you must dive for it”~ Chinese Proverb

“If things seem under control, you just are not going fast enough”~ Mario Andretti

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again.”~ Oprah Winfrey

“Go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is”~ Jimmy Carter

“There is only one way to avoid criticism; do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing”~ Aristotle

“If you are offered a seat on a rocketship, you don’t ask what seat. You just get on!”~Sheryl Sandberg

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for”~ John A. Shedd

Taking calculated risks can bring previously unimaginable opportunities to both your career and your personal life. Okay, now that you are motivated, how exactly do you increase you comfort level with risk?

Acceptable Risk 

Consider the concept of “acceptable risks”.  Let’s face it, all risks are not “acceptable risks”.  So how do you decide? Hope is a great motivator but a lousy foundation for a strategy. You are much better off using a reality-based method to assess risk.  This is important when we face life’s decisions and in particular when we are assessing a financial commitment.

For decision-making, Consider 3 questions:
  1. What is the worst possible outcome of this risk?
  2. What will I do if that happens?
  3. Can I live with things turning out that way?

If you can readily answer question number two, you are probably considering an “acceptable risk”.  

For financial risk, 3 questions matter most:
  1. How much can you afford to bet or lose?
  2. What can I afford to spend?
  3. What am I willing to spend?

Don’t ever bet more than you can expect to gain in return on that expenditure. Keep in mind that any expenditure will change your ability to pursue other things.  This is where your willingness to spend should incorporate a broader perspective on the limitations that accompany the expenditure.

“Acceptable risk” will vary from person to person, but we can all benefit from pushing our boundaries from time to time.

I will leave you with a quote from the very recently departed Maya Angelou who said,

“I believe that the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity is daring to dare.” Maya Angelou

image credit: www.performancebike.com

Friday, May 23, 2014

Heads or Tails?

On May 13th, Jill Abramson was dismissed from her job as Executive Editor at the NY Times, her leadership style described as “mercurial”.  There is much debate about what actually happened to Jill in her tenure at the Times and we will have to wait and see how that plays out. But I was intrigued by the descriptor.  Mercurial is defined as: subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood or mind. For sure, this is not what we are going for as leaders.  In my work with personality assessments I know that this risk of Mercurial leadership lives on the darker side of very “shiny” leadership traits. Think of each of your strengths as a coin. For every positive trait we have, there is another side of the coin that can be less favorable.  Sometimes strengths are overused or become so specific so as to limit our range of response in varied circumstances.

Passion

We all love Passion! Leaders who are passionate are “all in” their investment is evident in all they do.  They are the “pedal to the metal” folks, they don’t stop until they get there. They are drivers of innovation and results.  All very shiny traits!  The risk for these folks is the emotional investment.  When you are that engaged emotionally and constantly, you lose a bit of the filter that keeps your responses measured and consistent.  Leaders who are passionate should practice their pacing.  Seek to first harness the emotion, create the message and then deliver.  Nothing will be lost in the translation, I promise. 

Conviction

Conviction sounds great!  Confident, visionary, decisive.  All terrific traits we want in every leader.  These actually sound like the opposite of mercurial but they too are linked.  Here’s how that shows up.  When a leader is too concrete in their thinking (too “decided” if you will) they tend to shut out new information.  When you are not moving and adapting to new challenges and circumstances you are making yourself vulnerable.  Things will not always go your way.  Once you have thrust your heels into solid ground you are stuck.  This leaves convicted leaders trapped as circumstances inevitably are taking a different shape.  Defensive or volatile responses often are the visible result. Then, we can observe swift shifts to a new direction; something like abandoning a sinking ship. These shifts are surprising and seem arbitrary and unpredictable or “mercurial”. Stay open, you don’t want to paint yourself into that corner.

High-Standards

Okay, so we all love high standards.  What’s the alternative? Low standards?  You won’t see that one on any Linkedin profile!  But it can be a fine line between high standards and “impossible to please”.  When a leader seems so stringent in their standards, people check out, feeling that nothing is good enough.  Or team members may do their very best to hide their perceived shortcomings keeping a myriad or impending risks and disasters out of the leader’s view.  This mutually vulnerable equation can spell disaster.

Appreciating the fact that our positive traits all pose the risk of a darker translation is healthy and realistic.  We all want to leverage our strengths but we need to keep an eye to how we use these super-powers.  

5 essential habits to help you stay on the heads-up side of the coin…
  • Think from the outside in. Practice reading the social cues of others.
  • Fast forward. Predict likely outcomes of the position you are taking.
  • Share your frame of reference. Tell them why.
  • Have patience.  Focus on appreciating those who see things differently.
  • Filter your responses. Slow the pace and think before you react.
Predictability=trust=relationship=motivation/loyalty=success
image credit: q-law.com

Friday, May 16, 2014

50 Shades of Gray

I have the privilege of talking with clients on a very personal level.  This reinforces and develops my perspective as I get a daily glimpse into some remarkable professional lives. This experience leaves me certain of a few things. Here’s one universal fact.  For most of us, much of our time is spent navigating shades of gray.  This is especially true in our decision-making.  I am in the habit of saying that nothing is all good or all bad.  As we experience new events, our opinions change and our perspectives broaden and judgement develops.These new events and circumstances allow us to develop what I call "additive perspective".  Unfortunately, rather than allowing that “addition” to take place, our instinct when we experience a new perspective, can be to move into protection mode.  Protecting that which we already know, or have already decided is true or right or appropriate etc.. Holding fast to our  position keeps us feeling safe, because we prefer not to risk identifying with the new perspectives and agendas of another. Then, what we have is a power struggle rather than a learning opportunity. Definitely not “additive”.  

There are few things that will threaten your leadership success more than clinging to black and white thinking.

As leaders we are called to navigate, negotiate persuade and inspire. When our opinion or preference is different than that of another we need resist our instinct to defend our point of view and take two steps:  

Step One: Consider the new information at hand; consider the other’s perspective, get out of your head and look to something larger than yourself. Use both an “other person perspective” as well as “organizational perspective”.  This organizational perspective is often described as big picture thinking or business acumen.

Step Two: Then and only then, pull back into your objective, and start moving people in the direction you prefer.

This has nothing to do with conviction or principle.  It has to do with influence, which after all, is the heart of leadership.  So next time you feel yourself digging your heels in, try to do the following:

4 surefire ways to avoid being tagged a "black & white thinker":

  • Ask three questions…. It really doesn’t matter what they are.  Just be sure that they are genuine, open, non-judgmental and designed to get more information.  (Questions like "What’s wrong with you?" Or; "How could you?" definitely won’t work here…)
  • Take a deep breath… remind yourself that exploring the conversation further doesn’t require you to change your mind.
  • Ask what the other person needs. What do they want, why are they so committed to that point of view, what is their agenda?  If you are lucky, this will guide you in finding a position that might serve their ultimate need with something you can also live with.
  • Lastly, use the litmus test question.  Does this affect ME and the ability to do what I need to do, want to do, or have to do?  If the issue doesn’t directly affect you in one of these ways…  move on.

If, on the contrary, you still need to take a hard line, as leaders often do, you will be doing so with all the available information. And the bonus is that you will have made a visible investment in that conversation so the buy-in is more likely.

We all have a need to be right; some of us more than others.  This need is not good or  bad, in itself.  No black and white there either! But if you know that you have a high need to be right, you had best learn to check yourself and self-regulate.  Your knowledge, talent and experience may be worthless if you can’t leverage it in a way that brings others along with you!

Don't let gray areas keep you from being GREAT!


image credit: Rungmasti.com

Friday, May 9, 2014

Who Do You Think You Are?

Aristotle once said "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom".  Clearly, the concept of self-awareness and its importance to a fulfilling and successful life is not a new idea.

Understanding and knowing yourself is especially critical to effective leadership. Have you ever worked with a leader who has no idea how he/she is coming across? It's not easy. There is loads of data to support what we already know. 

When seventy-five members of the Stanford Graduate School of Business Advisory Council were asked to recommend the most important capability for leaders to develop, their answer was nearly unanimous: Self-Awareness.

And...

In a study conducted by the Hay Group, a multinational consulting firm, 436 participants were divided into groups, according to their emotional self-awareness score. They discovered an astonishing relationship with climate. Of those leaders demonstrating high emotional self-awareness, 92 per cent created positive climates (energizing and high performance). Only 8 per cent had a neutral impact and none were creating de-motivating climates. In sharp contrast, 78 per cent of leaders demonstrating low emotional self-awareness created negative climates.

And...

Korn Ferry, another consulting giant, did a study that suggests that public companies with a higher rate of return also employ professionals who exhibit higher levels of self-awareness.  Poorly performing company’s employees had 20 percent more “blind spots” than those working at financially strong companies. AND… Poorly performing company’s employees were 79 percent more likely to have low overall self-awareness than those at companies with higher performance.

The Care and Feeding of Your Self –Awareness.

Self-awareness is a moving target. We are constantly changing as are our circumstances; our frame of reference shifting with every new experience, our perceptions of ourselves and others continuously morphing. Whether you are in a leadership role or not, to be successful personally and professionally, you need to keep your self-awareness healthy and attuned. This requires that you work from the outside in as well as the inside out. 

From the outside in….
  • Ask for feedback. Find trusted partners and ask often, listen with an open mind and thank them.
  • Take assessments, there are many quality self-diagnostic tools available in books. Here are a few:  Strengthfinder 2.0, by Tom Rath, Standout, by  Marcus Buckingham, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves.
  • Observe others and compare how their responses are similar or different from your own.  Study their behaviors and communication habits.
  • Be aware of how others are responding to you, what is working and bringing you the desired outcomes?  When are you disappointed by the reactions of others?  Stop blaming others for what you are not getting.
  • Look at the tangibles, when do you perform well? When do others recognize you? What are you known for?  Decide what should you never do yourself and what should you always do yourself?
From the inside out…
  • Tune into your emotions. Observe events that trigger hostility, anxiety, stress, peacefulness or energy.  Keep a log so you can identify the drivers. Listen to your body.
  • Make a date with silence, daily.  Silence is your best friend, when was the last time you spent some time with her?  Turn down the volume and limit your distractions, you will be surprised how easily clarity surfaces.
  • Look at your story.  Assume that the last year has been a chapter, how does it compare to other chapters?  How have you changed? Are you happy with those developments?
  • Create your own self-assessment.  Develop three or four questions to measure yourself against your personal aspirations.  Ask yourself the same four questions each night before you fall asleep. The exercise of asking these questions consistently will bring clarity.
Think of self- awareness as your GPS. A GPS can only work effectively if it has current information like road changes and closures and traffic detours. Self-awareness is the same. Downloading a self-awareness update every now and then is the best way to keep you from losing your way!

The most important conversation you will have today is the one you will have with yourself~

image credit: gainesvillescene.com

Friday, May 2, 2014

What's Grace Got to Do With It?

My New Year’s Resolution this year was to measure myself by a standard of grace rather than a standard of perfection.  Grace is defined as unmerited favor, elegance of form, merciful, to pardon, honor or dignify.  This is about granting someone favor or kindness when they are undeserving, when it is hardest to do so.  Our ego needs, our fear, our pain and our own worthiness issues can keep us from showing up that way.  If you think of a relationship crisis as a flooded plain, grace is the higher ground. Seeking higher emotional ground can keep us safe and out of the fray. 

I try to exhibit grace in my daily life.  I do it in easy ways, for example; when I am in New York City I will buy water bottles and hand them out to the homeless as I am walking. Or when I see military personnel, I am in the habit of stopping and shaking their hand in appreciation of their service.  Those are easy, in that they cost me little. In more personal matters, I try to offer help whenever I can. If I can help, I do, whomever, whenever.  That can cost me a little more as it’s not always convenient to redirect my attention and time to the needs of another. Harder still, is to put my own emotions aside. For example, when I am upset with someone, I never avoid their phone call.  I may pick up and say I need a little time, but I appreciate what it took for them to reach out.  I honor the olive branch. That can be a lot harder.  Lastly, I try to let things go.  I try and accept that the reactions of others belong to them. They have the right to react as they choose. I am responsible for my reactions, for better or worse. It’s very challenging to not let their response change me and how I want to be. I am still working on this one.

Recently, a colleague and I were talking about a workplace where we both spent some time. He described the company as having “no grace”.  He had experienced and witnessed a consistent lack of respect, gratitude and simple kindness there.  I had seen and experienced the same. They consistently demonstrated this “unnecessary roughness”.  We both had been on the receiving end of their callous approach. 

That conversation inspired me to consider the professional translation of this very personal topic.  So, what does grace have to do with work?  There is an invitation in each workday for us to bring grace to professional lives:  Here are some ideas…

  • Share your knowledge, information, gifts and capabilities often.  Look to include and lift others up with your contributions.
  • Apologize.  Ghandi said “Apologizing doesn’t mean that you were wrong and the other person was right. It just means that you value the relationship more than your ego".  BTW, it’s also pretty graceful to admit it when you are wrong!
  • Give personal constructive feedback in-person, eyeball to eyeball and with only the most positive intention--  Improvement.
  • Drop off the contentious email thread and walk over to someone’s desk to resolve your differences. Have a good old fashioned conversation. 
  • Agree to disagree.  Wayne Dyer has a quote that says “when I have a choice between being right or being kind, I choose to be kind”. 
  • Be grateful and express gratitude out loud, often. “Thank you”!
  • Respect privacy and have tough conversations in private.  Close the door and give your undivided attention, without the distraction of your Blackberry.

We are all equally powerful and vulnerable; I believe we can serve our purpose and our soul at the same time. Grace doesn’t make you more vulnerable, in fact, I believe it is the essence of true power. There’s plenty of the New Year left. So, join me in my resolution to seek a higher ground and to measure yourself by a standard of grace. 
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