What's Grace Got to Do With It?

My New Year’s Resolution this year was to measure myself by a standard of grace rather than a standard of perfection.  Grace is defined as unmerited favor, elegance of form, merciful, to pardon, honor or dignify.  This is about granting someone favor or kindness when they are undeserving, when it is hardest to do so.  Our ego needs, our fear, our pain and our own worthiness issues can keep us from showing up that way.  If you think of a relationship crisis as a flooded plain, grace is the higher ground. Seeking higher emotional ground can keep us safe and out of the fray. 

I try to exhibit grace in my daily life.  I do it in easy ways, for example; when I am in New York City I will buy water bottles and hand them out to the homeless as I am walking. Or when I see military personnel, I am in the habit of stopping and shaking their hand in appreciation of their service.  Those are easy, in that they cost me little. In more personal matters, I try to offer help whenever I can. If I can help, I do, whomever, whenever.  That can cost me a little more as it’s not always convenient to redirect my attention and time to the needs of another. Harder still, is to put my own emotions aside. For example, when I am upset with someone, I never avoid their phone call.  I may pick up and say I need a little time, but I appreciate what it took for them to reach out.  I honor the olive branch. That can be a lot harder.  Lastly, I try to let things go.  I try and accept that the reactions of others belong to them. They have the right to react as they choose. I am responsible for my reactions, for better or worse. It’s very challenging to not let their response change me and how I want to be. I am still working on this one.

Recently, a colleague and I were talking about a workplace where we both spent some time. He described the company as having “no grace”.  He had experienced and witnessed a consistent lack of respect, gratitude and simple kindness there.  I had seen and experienced the same. They consistently demonstrated this “unnecessary roughness”.  We both had been on the receiving end of their callous approach. 

That conversation inspired me to consider the professional translation of this very personal topic.  So, what does grace have to do with work?  There is an invitation in each workday for us to bring grace to professional lives:  Here are some ideas…

• Share your knowledge, information, gifts and capabilities often.  Look to include and lift others up with your contributions.

• Apologize.  Ghandi said “Apologizing doesn’t mean that you were wrong and the other person was right. It just means that you value the relationship more than your ego".  BTW, it’s also pretty graceful to admit it when you are wrong!

• Give personal constructive feedback in-person, eyeball to eyeball and with only the most positive intention--  Improvement.

• Drop off the contentious email thread and walk over to someone’s desk to resolve your differences. Have a good old fashioned conversation. 

• Agree to disagree.  Wayne Dyer has a quote that says “when I have a choice between being right or being kind, I choose to be kind”. 

• Be grateful and express gratitude out loud, often. “Thank you”!

• Respect privacy and have tough conversations in private.  Close the door and give your undivided attention, without the distraction of your Blackberry.

We are all equally powerful and vulnerable; I believe we can serve our purpose and our soul at the same time. Grace doesn’t make you more vulnerable, in fact, I believe it is the essence of true power. There’s plenty of the New Year left. So, join me in my resolution to seek a higher ground and to measure yourself by a standard of grace. 

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