50 Shades of Gray

I have the privilege of talking with clients on a very personal level.  This reinforces and develops my perspective as I get a daily glimpse into some remarkable professional lives. This experience leaves me certain of a few things. Here’s one universal fact.  For most of us, much of our time is spent navigating shades of gray.  This is especially true in our decision-making.  I am in the habit of saying that nothing is all good or all bad.  As we experience new events, our opinions change and our perspectives broaden and judgement develops.These new events and circumstances allow us to develop what I call "additive perspective".  Unfortunately, rather than allowing that “addition” to take place, our instinct when we experience a new perspective, can be to move into protection mode.  Protecting that which we already know, or have already decided is true or right or appropriate etc.. Holding fast to our  position keeps us feeling safe, because we prefer not to risk identifying with the new perspectives and agendas of another. Then, what we have is a power struggle rather than a learning opportunity. Definitely not “additive”.  

There are few things that will threaten your leadership success more than clinging to black and white thinking.

As leaders we are called to navigate, negotiate persuade and inspire. When our opinion or preference is different than that of another we need resist our instinct to defend our point of view and take two steps:  

Step One: Consider the new information at hand; consider the other’s perspective, get out of your head and look to something larger than yourself. Use both an “other person perspective” as well as “organizational perspective”.  This organizational perspective is often described as big picture thinking or business acumen.

Step Two: Then and only then, pull back into your objective, and start moving people in the direction you prefer.

This has nothing to do with conviction or principle.  It has to do with influence, which after all, is the heart of leadership.  So next time you feel yourself digging your heels in, try to do the following:

4 surefire ways to avoid being tagged a "black & white thinker":

• Ask three questions…. It really doesn’t matter what they are.  Just be sure that they are genuine, open, non-judgmental and designed to get more information.  (Questions like "What’s wrong with you?" Or; "How could you?" definitely won’t work here…)

• Take a deep breath… remind yourself that exploring the conversation further doesn’t require you to change your mind.

• Ask what the other person needs. What do they want, why are they so committed to that point of view, what is their agenda?  If you are lucky, this will guide you in finding a position that might serve their ultimate need with something you can also live with.

• Lastly, use the litmus test question.  Does this affect ME and the ability to do what I need to do, want to do, or have to do?  If the issue doesn’t directly affect you in one of these ways…  move on.

If, on the contrary, you still need to take a hard line, as leaders often do, you will be doing so with all the available information. And the bonus is that you will have made a visible investment in that conversation so the buy-in is more likely.

We all have a need to be right; some of us more than others.  This need is not good or  bad, in itself.  No black and white there either! But if you know that you have a high need to be right, you had best learn to check yourself and self-regulate.  Your knowledge, talent and experience may be worthless if you can’t leverage it in a way that brings others along with you!

Don't let gray areas keep you from being GREAT!

image credit: Rungmasti.com