I have been observing leaders in all walks of life, a
favorite pastime of mine. Although
I am the least likely person to engage in a political debate, I, like the rest of
the United States, have been watching the horse race leading up to our candidate
selection for the next Presidential election.
When I have a strong reaction to something or someone, I
usually try to understand where my reaction is coming from. This helps me to better understand what I
value and appreciate in others. What I “hold
dear” if you will. I find that I value
emotional control and a measured response above many other qualities when it
comes to having respect for and giving a leader credibility. I am very happy to
listen to opinions that are different than my own if they are thoughtful,
strategic and based on data. I can even be inspired by an impassioned plea even if I don’t share the passion. It’s the emotional
responses that are usually rash and acrimonious that send me diving for the remote control. Anything that incites back-pedaling or takes
days to qualify and repair is an error in judgment as far as I am
concerned.
Webster's dictionary defines a measured response as "done with both thought and care". I am not alone in the value I place on emotional control. Countless
studies following Daniel Goleman's original work on Emotional Intelligence suggest
that this matters a lot to most people.
Goleman describes a state when the emotion of a situation overrides
your reasoning as an “amygdala hijacking”. This emotional hijacking has three key signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and “when you reflect later, you
realize it was inappropriate.” Sounds a
lot like the program guide for most televised political debates!
Here’s why emotional control matters:
Decision-Making
Emotional control allows reasoning skills to prevail supporting
constructive decisions leading to better long-term outcomes.
Trust
The ability to empathize with others and to display a
tolerance for alternative points of view contributes to trust. Trust is
essential to building open relationships that effectively inspire the support
and contributions of others. Emotional
volatility is like kryptonite to trust.
Predictability
We look to our leaders to have consistent, predictable responses. We want to know and understand who they are
so that we can offer our endorsement, our advocacy. This can only be offered when we feel an alignment
with their perspective and values.
If this is a challenge for you personally, develop strategies
that allow you to keep your emotional reactions to yourself. Successful people know how to process their
emotions efficiently before they respond.
This takes some practice. If your
emotions tend to get the best of you, develop an "emotionally sensitive" vocabulary. Having responses that allow you to respond while at the same time granting
you the opportunity for a moment of reflection are valuable for anyone. For example, saying “I’m not sure I agree
with that” is much better than blurting out “you are out of your mind”. After a
little reflection, you will be better-equipped to offer a strong and compelling response. If you work at this diligently, you will
shorten the reflection time and soon your emotional self-control will be
available to you “real-time”.
Leadership is tough business whether you are negotiating with
foreign nationals in the White House, holding down the fort in your office, or
delivering bad news to your team. It’s all the same. Emotional stress is emotional stress, and being
capable of processing that emotional
stress by managing our gut reactions is critical to our success and our credibility.
Maybe we are lucky that our employees don’t have to vote for us in order for us
to stay around!
image credit: neuronetlearning.com
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