The Present

"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present”.

I have always liked this quote by Bill Keane.  This week I have been reflecting on the necessary balance between planning and pursuing our goals with deliberate intention and the need to be fully present in the moment, suspending our expectations long enough to accept what life has to offer even when it is completely unexpected or asks us to consider a whole new way of imagining our direction.

I believe both are very important.  In my discussions with clients about careers and their own journeys I am often struck by the wisdom of the random coincidence in providing a new perspective or in supporting a secret wish or desire.  Regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs, one would have a hard time denying that life has remarkable way of pointing us in the right direction, if only we pay attention.

Whether it’s in our personal lives or in our professional endeavors, we often find ourselves in exactly the right place at the right time.  Or when someone we haven’t thought of in years materializes and their purpose in our lives becomes crystal clear.  The potential for transformation in each new day is nothing short of profound if only we stay open enough to read the tea leaves in our cup. 

In order to do this, we need to stay mindful. “Mindfulness” is defined as "the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one's attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment".  In order to do this well, we need to stop long enough to observe and interpret what is happening around us.  

In a recent article published in Health.org in collaboration with Harvard Health Publications the benefits of mindfulness were discussed particularly pertaining to well being and physical health.

Mindfulness improves well being

• Increasing your capacity for mindfulness supports many attitudes that contribute to a satisfied life.
• Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events.
• By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem, and are better able to form deep connections with others.

Mindfulness improves physical health

If greater well being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered the benefits of mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways. Mindfulness can:

• help relieve stress
• treat heart disease
• lower blood pressure
• reduce chronic pain
• improve sleep
• alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties 

Practicing mindfulness and staying present and in the moment isn’t easy.  We need to resist the temptation to multitask and to over-direct our lives. 

Because the origin of mindfulness is rooted in Buddhism, the suggested practice of mindfulness recommends that we make time for daily meditation.  Although meditation offers us remarkable benefits when it comes to our clarity and well being... 

there are several mindfulness practices that you can easily bring to your daily habits: 

• Allow yourself times for reflection daily.
• Explore conversations with people you encounter.  Listen to the perspectives they bring and ask questions.
• Observe the “outside” and “inside” world with friendly curiosity.  On the outside, this means not resisting things that may seem uncomfortable and allowing yourself to explore them without resistance or preconceived filters.  On the “inside” this suggests that we observe our own emotional responses and notice those emotions without allowing them to take hold or to hijack our ability to stay open and focused on the “now”.
• Keep a loose hold on your goals. Challenge your goals with “what if” questions.  Imagine what would happen if completely unexpected occurrences challenged your assumptions about your life today.  Entertaining these notions will stretch your boundaries and your comfort zone. 

I will finish here with a quote by author, Joseph Campbell who says “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”.

 imagecredit: dreamstime.com 

Time to Shine...

We all have a desire to be acknowledged for our hard work and our successes.  The harsh reality is that many of our proudest accomplishments can go unnoticed.  This isn’t because people are insensitive and certainly shouldn’t be seen as a lack of respect, but most of us feel that we are not valued when others don’t notice or comment on our acheivements.   Especially when they are hard won, or took a lot of extra effort. We all hope that our good work will speak for itself, but the truth of the matter is, bosses and co-workers are busy, just like you are.  They spend most of the day with their heads down and their inboxes full, hoping their bosses will notice them too.

It's been proven by study after study that companies that regularly recognize their employees have higher profits (a 28 percent increase in earnings per share over a 12-month period, according to a global workforce study). Yet only 12 percent of employees say they often receive appreciation for great work. Recognition is always encouraged, and I will always be talking about this when I discuss optimal leadership habits, but moving the needle on this is not likely.  So what can you do on the receiving end, when you are not getting the recognition you deserve and you feel your best efforts are going unnoticed? 

Being noticed and valued for your professional contribution is important, but most of us steer clear of anything smelling like self-promotion. We all have in our head, that unseemly example of “that guy” or "that woman” who shamelessly boasts and panders to bosses and customers, completely ruining this for the rest of us.  The truth is, self-promotion is not just a good idea, it is good business.  Having your boss, your client or your co-workers understand your contributions and your capabilities is very important to doing your best work and advancing your career.  So how can you pull this off without seeming arrogant, conceited, overly-political or “jerk-like”?  

Here are some of my tips for sharing your successes gracefully:

•  Share credit and do it publicly.  Congratulating your team for success including the details of what was accomplished elevates you as well.  After all, it happened under your watch; you will seem graceful and plugged in.  No need to discuss exactly what you contributed yourself.  It will be assumed that you were part of the story. 

• Explain your challenges.  There is an often quoted MIT paper by N. Nelson and J, Sherman titled: Nobody Ever Gets Credit for Fixing a Problem that Never Happened". This is absolutely true.  It is a great practice to share your challenges with your boss and others--especially after they have been resolved.  When someone asks you how it is going, begin with the good news that things are going well and then perhaps add that it wasn’t the case a week or a month ago when the order was in jeopardy or the system crashed.  Then, describe what you did when you turned things around and then share that you are really happy that things are back on track.  High performing people often make it look so easy that they don’t get credit for their creativity and extra efforts. 

• Talk about your big wins with enthusiasm. Few of us like to describe ourselves as sales people. But the reality is that we are all sales people, selling ourselves and building our reputations for better or worse. In his book,  To Sell is Human, Daniel Pink describes the importance of influencing others in all career paths and says “… In ways we have scarcely realized we have all ended up in sales.”  It is personally engaging to describe your latest wins with enthusiasm.  I will always tell my clients about other projects I am working on.  I talk about being excited and thrilled that these endeavors are going well.  I share that I can’t wait to finish them or that I am so happy with the way things turned out.  Sharing these positive experiences in this way is intimate and personal and the enthusiasm is contagious. 

• Know your audience.  As with most communication strategies, it is important to tailor your message to your audience. It’s not enough to say “You will appreciate this”, if they walk away saying “what in the world did that have to do with me?”   Peggy Klaus, author of Brag! the Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It  says it well “If you are preoccupied with presenting a perfect image to the world, you project so much self-absorption that you miss the important opportunities to connect with others”.

Be proud of your hard work.  Help your boss to understand your efforts and contributions. In the not too distant future you will likely be discussing your performance in a formal process.  Trust me when I say that most bosses really want to do a good job preparing for this conversation. So, when you are shooting the breeze with your boss in the next week, start the conversation by saying “I can’t believe this year is over already”…. Then, tell them what you are so happy about, what turned out well, what you are proud of! And then, what you hope to accomplish next year.  You will be amazed how easy this is!

Keep in mind, as famed Cardinal pitcher “Dizzy” Dean once said, “It ain’t bragging if you can back it up!” 

imagecredit: stuffpoint.com

And to All a Good Night!

There are lots of aspects of the holidays that make the season special, but stress around the holidays is often most notable as we try to address the emotional and practical demands of our jobs and our families, busy social calendars, and holiday gift-giving. All while navigating around inconvenient nor’easters and holiday traffic.

When things get crazy like this, the last thing I am thinking about is the quality of my sleep, but according to author Travis Bradberry,  Forbes Magazine Contributor,  that‘s exactly what I should be focusing on.  Below are excerpts from his recent blog post titled Sleep Deprivation is Killing You and Your Career.  Bradberry begins by outlining the significant impact of not getting enough sleep. “The amount of sleep you need is something that you can’t control, and scientists are beginning to discover the genes that dictate it. The problem is, most people sleep much less than they really need and are under-performing because they think they’re getting enough.  According to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a third of US workers get less than 6 hours of sleep each night, and sleep deprivation costs US businesses more than 63 billion annually in lost productivity.”

Why You Need Adequate Sleep to Perform

“We’ve always known that sleep is good for your brain, but new research from the University of Rochester provides the first direct evidence for why your brain cells need you to sleep (and sleep the right way - more on that later). The study found that when you sleep, your brain removes toxic proteins that are by-products of neural activity when you are awake, from its neurons. Unfortunately, your brain can remove them adequately only while you’re asleep. So when you don’t get enough sleep, the toxic proteins remain in your brain cells, wreaking havoc by impairing your ability to think—something no amount of caffeine can fix.”

Skipping sleep impairs your brain function across the board. It slows your ability to process information and problem solve, kills your creativity, and catapults your stress levels and emotional reactivity.

Bradberry sites that beyond the obvious benefits of thinking clearly and staying healthy, the ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance.

In order to stay agile and resilient during challenging times we need to improve what Bradberry calls our sleep hygiene.  That means both the quantity and quality of our sleep.  

Here are a few of the strategies he identifies for optimizing the benefits of your sleep time:

Stay Away from Sleeping Pills

As you sleep and your brain removes harmful toxins, it cycles through an elaborate series of stages, at times shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams). Sedation interferes with these cycles, altering the brain’s natural process. Whether it’s alcohol, Nyquil, Benadryl, Valium, Ambien, or what have you, these substances greatly disrupt your brain’s natural sleep process. 

Stop Drinking Caffeine (at Least after Lunch)

You can sleep more and vastly improve the quality of the sleep you get by reducing your caffeine intake. Caffeine is a powerful stimulant that interferes with sleep by increasing adrenaline production and blocking sleep-inducing chemicals in the brain. Caffeine has a 6-hour half-life, which means it takes a full 24 hours to work its way out of your system. Have a cup of joe at 8 a.m., and you’ll still have 25% of the caffeine in your body at 8 p.m. Anything you drink after noon will still be near 50% strength at bedtime. Any caffeine in your bloodstream—the negative effects increasing with the dose - makes it harder to fall and stay asleep.

Avoid Blue Light

This is a big one—most people don’t even realize it impacts their sleep. Short-wavelength blue light plays an important role in your mood, energy level, and sleep quality. In the morning, sunlight contains high concentrations of this “blue” light. When your eyes are exposed to it directly (not through a window or while wearing sunglasses), the blue light halts production of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin and makes you feel more alert. This is great, and exposure to a.m. sunlight can improve your mood and energy levels.

The problem this creates for sleep is that most of our favorite evening devices—laptops, tablets, televisions, and mobile phones—emit short-wavelength blue light. And in the case of your laptop, tablet, and phone, they do so brightly and right in your face. This exposure impairs melatonin production and interferes with your ability to fall asleep as well as with the quality of your sleep once you do nod off.

Wake up the Same Time Every Day

Consistency is key to a good night’s sleep, especially when it comes to waking up. Waking up at the same time every day improves your mood and sleep quality by regulating your circadian rhythm. When you have a consistent wake-up time, your brain acclimates to this and moves through the sleep cycle in preparation for you to feel rested and alert at your wake-up time. Roughly an hour before you wake, hormone levels increase gradually (along with your body temperature and blood pressure), causing you to become more alert. This is why you’ll often find yourself waking up right before your alarm goes off.

No Binge Sleeping (In) on the Weekend

Sleeping in on the weekend is a counterproductive way to catch up on your sleep. It messes with your circadian rhythm by giving you an inconsistent wake-up time. When you wake up at the same time during the workweek but sleep past this time on the weekend, you end up feeling groggy and tired because your brain hasn’t prepared your body to be awake. This isn’t a big deal on your day off, but it makes you less productive on Monday because it throws your cycle off and makes it hard to get going again on your regular schedule.

Stop Working

When you work in the evening, it puts you into a stimulated, alert state when you should be winding down and relaxing in preparation for sleep. Recent surveys show that roughly 60% of people monitor their smartphones for work emails until they go to sleep. Staying off blue light-emitting devices (discussed above) after a certain time each evening is also a great way to avoid working so you can relax and prepare for sleep, but any type of work before bed should be avoided if you want quality sleep.

Learn to Meditate

Many people who learn to meditate report that it improves the quality of their sleep and that they can get the rest they need even if they aren’t able to significantly increase the number of hours they sleep. At the Stanford Medical Center, insomniacs participated in a 6-week mindfulness meditation and cognitive-behavioral therapy course. At the end of the study, participants’ average time to fall asleep was cut in half (from 40 to 20 minutes), and 60% of subjects no longer qualified as insomniacs. The subjects retained these gains upon follow-up a full year later.

Arainna Huffington in her recent book Thrive also describes the significant benefits of a good night’s sleep . “All the science now demonstrates unequivocally that when we get enough sleep, everything is better: our health; our mental capacity and clarity; our joy at life; and our ability to live life without reacting to every bad thing that happens.”

Bradberry adds that Huffington isn’t the only one. Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, and Sheryl Sandberg have all touted the virtues of getting enough sleep. Even Bill Gates, an infamous night owl, has affirmed the benefits of figuring out how much sleep you really need:  “I like to get seven hours of sleep a night because that’s what I need to stay sharp and creative and upbeat.” It’s time to bite the bullet and start going to bed earlier until you find the magic number that enables you to perform at your best.

So here’s to decaf and visions of sugarplums…

imagecredit: huffingtonpost.com

About That Small Stuff....

I recently had a conversation with a coaching client and we were talking about productivity.  We got on to the topic of motivation and she made reference to the adage by Robert Eliot that says “Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff”.  This quote became  popular when Richard Carlson used it as a title for a best-selling self-help book about managing life’s worries.  My client shared with me, that as hard as she tries to overlook the details, she does in fact care a lot about the small stuff and that it is her attention to detail that has led her to her greatest achievements.  As I listened to her, I had to agree that I also have a fondness for detail.  I do love the small stuff, and I do in fact care a lot about finer details of my life.

We discussed the frustration that can come from dealing with things that have been thrown together or hastily prepared and the distraction of small annoyances that negatively impact both focus and personal creativity.  I know that for me, when I am particularly busy or stressed I need to stop and straighten up my workspace. I know that this is not the best use of my time, but it never takes long.  After 15-20 minutes of organizing, I feel focused and relaxed and I know that my personal output and my work product is much better.  I also know that when I complete an arduous task, even if I am spent, taking the extra time to add that last special detail feels like putting a cherry atop a beautifully iced cake.  And it is often that final detail that brings me recognition and perhaps more importantly, personal satisfaction.

A friend of mine tends to think a lot about her relationships and conversations. She will often find herself spinning and replaying conversations, wondering about the other’s true intention or impressions. This can certainly be characterized as “sweating the small stuff”, but knowing her the way I do, I know she will never be casual about these interactions.  She is thoughtful, deep and sensitive. Those are wonderful qualities and attending to her personal relationships with such care has brought her meaningful connections with the people in her life.  Embracing these qualities rather than working hard to be more casual seems authentic.

What we are really talking about here is motivational triggers.  Understanding your motivational triggers is key to optimizing your contribution and your personal contentment. 

• Think about how you like to work. Consider your work environment and take the time to make it both comfortable and inspiring.

• Consider the successes that have made you most proud in the past.  What were the dynamics of those projects?  Can you re-create those working conditions?

• Try to give yourself time to do your best work.  If you are like me, and details matter, try to allow time for those final finishing touches.

•  If it is your thinking style that has you laboring over relationship factors, develop a habit of discussing your feelings.  Plan for what you want to say and have the conversation sooner rather than later. Be respectful of the other person’s time and be economical with your words.  Don’t beat a dead horse and let it go when you are done.

• Celebrate your successes and go ahead and focus on your failures… analyze them, study them, and turn them inside out and THEN move on and do better!

The answer here is balance. I think it is so very important that we stay attentive to our needs.  Practically speaking we all have a lot to do, and productivity is certainly a life-skill mastered by those who are most successful.  But spending the extra time attending to the circumstances we require to stay motivated, relaxed, and comfortable is smart and healthy.  It is worthwhile and important.

So go ahead and sweat a little. After all, Harvey S. Firestone once said,                                                                                                                                              “Success is the sum of detail”.

image credit: driverlayer.com

Make this Holiday Season Grate(ful)!

On Thursday, we will officially welcome the 2014 holiday season with Thanksgiving. The holiday season really is all about relationships.

Reflecting on our blessings and expressing our gratitude is a wonderful way to celebrate and enrich the relationships in our lives.

Unfortunately it is very easy to allow ourselves to become distracted by the holiday shopping, the weather events, our busy holiday social calendars, and by the challenges associated with finishing up the year's goals.  All these distrctions can make it hard to maintain a grateful perspective.

So, just in case you need a reminder, here are ten reasons to stay grateful this holiday season.

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow"
~ Melody Beattie

"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
~Aesop

"Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for".
~Zig Ziglar

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others".

~Marcus Tullius

"Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind"
~Lionel Hampton

"The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude".
~Friedrich Nietzsche

"Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you".
~Eileen Caddy

"I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude".
~Brene Brown

"Social scientists have found that the fastest way to feel happiness is to practice gratitude."
~Chip Conley

"Feeling gratitude isn't born in us - it's something we are taught, and in turn, we teach our children".
~Joyce Brothers

And lastly, remember that actions always speak louder than words. Or, in the words of President John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

In the coming Holiday Season, may you find a moment to reflect on the blessings in your life and may you share your gratitude with those who mean the most to you.

Happy "Give Thanks-ing!"

image credit: thepaleosecret.com

Are YOU Showing Up?

Woody Allen once said that "70 percent of sucess in life is showing up". About a week ago I called Groupon,  an online discount program, to seek a refund and I had a wonderful experience.  The Customer Service Rep was quick, polite and efficient and the whole thing took only about 2 minutes. Shortly after the call, I received an email survey which seems to be more and more common. Because my experience was so good I decided to take a moment and complete the questionnaire.  About half way through the survey I came across a question asking if the Customer Service rep had been “authentic”.  I paused for a moment and thought about it. Yes, in fact she had been authentic.  I felt that we were having a real conversation.  Not the robotic, “reading from some script” experience I have often had when calling a vendor.  I trusted immediately that she was willing to do all that she could and when I hung up the phone I had complete confidence that I would in fact, see the refund.

I often speak about authenticity for individuals in leadership roles. I describe the quality as essential for effective leadership of others.  However, authenticity isn't just for managers.  It is the essence of a satisfying life.  It is an element of leadership but it is available to everyone.  Living an authentic life where we are comfortable, genuine and true to our unique nature helps us to feel better about our lives and also helps others to feel better about us.  In fact, it is essential to building meaningful and trusting relationships in our personal and professional lives, regardless of our roles.

INSEAD Adjunct Professor of Business Communication,  Steve Knight, is a highly regarded business communications specialist.  In a recent online blog he discusses authenticity.

“Whether you are in conversation with Presidents or shopkeepers, Oscar winning actors or train conductors, millionaires or people who are struggling to make a living, the Chairman, or those that keep the factory floor running, you should show up the same way in all situations. Everyone is worth it.

A true leader recognizes everyone. A true leader expresses themselves with genuine authenticity all of the time. Grace is not something one can just switch on or off when one feels like it. As a leader, grace has to be at the forefront of everything you do 100% of the time. He outlines, 

5 everyday communication habits that can help you to retrain your brain and become consciously aware and respectful of all people you come into contact with.

• Notice people, i.e. in the street, on the train, in a supermarket, in your office complex

• Make eye contact

• Give a kind and thoughtful smile

• Say hello where appropriate

• In shops and gas stations ask staff at the checkout how they are

“Take a genuine interest in your colleagues, ask questions about them and deeply listen to their answers without interrupting to add in your take on what they are saying or “Oh that happened to me once, blah, blah, blah.” When we do that, we hijack their space and we have not honored them. More often we do this out of nerves or wanting to fit in, or we are simply unaware that we are doing it, but the other person will feel, depending on their character, either disrespected, irritated, angry, insignificant or not valued. You may already be aware of how you feel when people do that to you.

With people who have a higher status than you at work or in life, start to notice if you have a “I am less- than them” feeling. This is when you might "don your less-than mask" without realizing it. The person you are talking to will no doubt sense it. They will help you if they are a genuine leader, if they are not they could take advantage of you, or you could end up getting bypassed for that promotion you so want. Start to feel comfortable in your own skin. Be your genuine authentic self." 

He concludes his blog by inviting us to “Set your path and plot your course to becoming genuinely authentic all the time, to all people. Enjoy and celebrate what comes back your way when you become a shining beacon of genuine and authentic kindness, grace, thoughtfulness and true leadership.”

So for the coming week, pay attention to how you are showing up, and make sure it is really YOU!

image credit: Dreamstime.com

When you are busy making other plans....

Last week, I took an impromptu trip to Nantucket Island.  I love to be in a summertime location after the season is over.  It invites you to enjoy it the way locals do, without all the hustle and bustle.  After a great visit I mis-planned my departure and ended up missing my scheduled mid-day ferry back to the mainland.  I was frazzled and frustrated because the mistake would cost me over three hours and would have me driving and returning home very late, compromising my next day and presenting a variety of logistical challenges.  

So I waited, and I shopped, and I beat myself up for my poor planning… for about  three hours. 

As we set out on the now evening ferry, we were engulfed in the most beautiful sunset, the sky completely lit with oranges, pinks and grays as the sun sank silently into the water.  It was truly breath-taking.  As the wind swept across the boat’s deck, and I made my way back inside the ferry, I was suddenly grateful for the delay and the beauty of that moment.  I spent the remainder of my trip back reflecting on the times when a change in plans had actually brought me something good.  

I thought  about other "good somethings"..…

• The unexpected business trips that came at the worst possible times and yet allowed me to see parts of the world I had never been to.

• I thought about thunderstorms and power outages that invited me to stop answering my emails and to build pillow forts with my kids instead.

• I thought about a friend who reminisces about a rainy shore vacation that had her children dancing and laughing in flooded puddles.  They were sad when the sun came out…

Inconveniences allow us to hit the “pause” button if we let ourselves appreciate the gap.  

In order to see the blessing you need to:

• Challenge your creativity to minimize the disruption.  Look for new ways to solve the problem by letting go of “plan A”.

• Work out our new plans and let the frustration go.  Remove the negative emotion from your thinking and stay open.

• Stay away from critical thinking and blaming. Things happen to everyone. Seeking to assign blame will only reinforce the negativity.

• Once you have a new plan, slow your thinking and look for any moment of solace in the current circumstance. Take a breath, read a book, write a letter, meditate, appreciate nature, or sightsee, have a conversation, connect with someone you haven’t seen or spoken with. Pause.

Life seldom goes the way we plan.  Our plans can fail us and these disruptions can be very difficult to weather. There are beautiful opportunities in most inconveniences.  That is not to say that the outcome is always better or even good for that matter.  However, if we can find something peaceful or reassuring or beautiful in those moments of change, it can keep us resilient and it fortifies us for the next inconvenience that is likely just around the bend.

Or, as John Lennon once said, 

“Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”

image credit: my iphone