Communicate Like A Hero

A hero sandwich that is!  Maybe you have heard about a technique whereby you begin your message with a friendly and respectful opening, then, address your direct message (the “meat”) in the second part and finish with a positive expectation… hence the “sandwich” concept.

I have seen this work so well in so many circumstances, I feel it bears repeating. Let me show you how this works…  When you begin your message from a position of alignment you put the other person at ease.  

Part One:

The first part of your message allows you to connect with your listener, grabbing their attention with your agreement, your empathetic posture, your positive intention, or your description of a shared objective.

Here are some examples…

“I understand your concerns”…

“I want this to go smoothly”

“I don’t want either of us to have a problem later”

“I know this is a very busy time for you and your group”

“I’m a reaching out to be sure that we are on the same page”

“I want to make sure you have all the details”

Part Two:

Part two is where you, as the speaker, practice your direct communication skills.  No fluff, no extra words.  Nice and concise.

Think bullet points, for example…

“Here are my three concerns”

“Here is what I need you to do”

“I want to be sure that all of these action items are addressed before the next meeting”

“These are the things that are most important to me”

“Here are all the details”

Having provided the soft opening allows you to leave all the pleasantries out here. You can be factual and straightforward. This is much more impactful than diluting the meat of your message your message with anything resembling an apologetic, or “wishy-washy” tone.

Part Three :

Here is the chance to express your gratitude, to offer your own support or to express your optimism.  Keep it simple don’t go overboard.

This might sound like…

“I’m glad we had this conversation”

“Let me know if you need anything else from me”

“Thank you for your assistance”

“I’m sure once this is resolved, things will be a lot better”

“I am looking forward to working with you”

This “sandwich technique” works equally well in person or in writing.  If you are trying to provide a paper trail or documentation, this polite and respectful approach will always represent your efficiency and professionalism.

So think of your messages in three parts and start communicating like a hero!

From Frazzle to Focus: 5 Not So Easy Steps

Earlier this year, I wrote a blog about FOCUS citing the work of Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence pioneer who describes focus as the hidden driver of success. Lately, I find myself in a state I would describe as "frazzle"; too much to do, all very critical items on my to-do list personal and professional, and lots of emotionally-charged events occurring at the same time. Okay, so life gives us these times to test our mettle and I know I am no different than anyone else.  Goleman is absolutely right about focus, but there are times when this critical element of peak performance seems completely out of reach…

What to do?  Here’s what I am trying and some of these things do seem to be working….

One thing at a time.  When the heat gets turned up and I am stressed, I feel like I have a severe case of ADHD.  It’s hard to stay still, let alone work on a task through completion. But that’s exactly what I try to do.  Once I muddle through one or two of the most challenging things on my list, I do start to feel my focus returning.

Create order.  This is my thing, when I am stressed I like to stop the clock and clean up.  I mean like "big time" clean.  I find peace in the order and I feel more comfortable having a visible accomplishment.  I have to manage this tendency because cleaning is usually not the highest priority on my list.  So I give myself 30 minutes to create some order and then I get busy with the things that I need to tackle.  That’s usually enough for me to feel more comfortable.

Breathe.  When I am stressed I notice how shallow my breath can become.  When I feel this happening, I close my eyes and I take slow deep breaths for a few minutes.  I concentrate on driving my breath down into my abdomen.  Scary how hard it is to do that sometimes.  I know my brain needs oxygen to work well and as strange as it may seem, breathing well can take some practice.

Change of scenery.  Sometimes I need to be somewhere other than my normal digs.  It seems a waste of time to travel to a coffee shop or a park to work, but eliminating the distractions of the phone and everything else that demands my attention can help.  Sometimes I just go somewhere else in the office or the house to do what I need to do.

Make time for difficult conversations.  I try to carve out time to deal with conflicts.  I don’t let the difficult conversations take place throughout the day.  If I do that,  my internal scripting and mental replay makes me pretty much useless for other things. 

So next time things get crazy, stop, breathe and hunker down and remember, as Philosopher and Psychologist William James once said; "The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

image credit: chiroknoxville.com