Destination Character

Several weeks ago, David Brooks, columnist for The New York Times released a new book titled The Road to Character.  When I heard him interviewed about the book, it seemed like a valuable read.  I haven’t read the whole thing but I am intrigued by the concept.  The book is about one mindset that people through the centuries have adopted to “put iron in their core and to cultivate a wise heart”. Brooks humbly shares that he wrote this book not sure that he could follow the road to character, but wanting to at least know what the road looks like and how people have trodden it.

Here is an excerpt , in which  David challenges the reader to consider the difference between what he describes as Resume virtues verses Eulogy virtues.  Brooks says “Resume virtues are the ones you list on your resume, the skills that you bring to the job market and that contribute to external success.  The eulogy virtues are deeper.  They’re the virtues that get talked about at your funeral, the ones that exist at the core of your being—whether you are kind, brave, honest or faithful; what kind of relationships you formed.”

According to Brooks, most of us would say that the eulogy virtues are more important than the resume virtues, and yet, like most of us, he shares that for long stretches of his life he has spent more time thinking about the latter than the former.  He also describes our education system as oriented around the resume virtues more than the eulogy ones.  He goes on to say that our public conversation is, too—the self-help tips in magazines, the non-fiction bestsellers.  Most of us have clearer strategies for how to achieve career success than we do for how to develop profound character.

Brooks goes on to say that “ the noise of fast and shallow communications makes it harder to hear the quieter sounds that emanate from the depths. We live in a culture that teaches us to promote and advertise ourselves and to master the skills required for success but gives little encouragement to humility, sympathy, and honest self-confrontation, which are necessary for building character”.

Since I read that excerpt I have been thinking on how we can spend meaningful effort that might allow for us to truly work on character while allowing us to maintain the obligations that keep our daily life on track. After all, most of us cannot afford to retreat to a mountaintop and read Kahlil Gibran in sabbatical.  I came up with these 6 small steps that might allow us to explore our own character:

Make time for self-reflection. Use your commute or times when you are doing menial chores to consider life’s big questions. What makes you special or different? How would people who know you best describe you? What would you change about yourself if you could and what would you never change?

Leave open time on your calendar. No plans. Just time to be spontaneous and follow your heart’s song.

Create vision of who you want to be in three years... five years... ten years. People will often ask where you want to be. This is different. This is about WHO you want to be and what you would like those life stages to mean to your story.  

Make some meaningful resolutions.  Not resolutions about paying down your debt, learning a different language or losing weight. Make them about relationships, legacies and contributions.

Journal. Ask yourself tough questions about where you have been and what you have learned.  Spill your thoughts onto the page. Why not write your own eulogy, what would you like to be remembered for? If you can clearly articulate it, you can become it.

Become the storyteller in your family. Let your family know all about how you became the person you are and what you value and treasure in your life story.

When you think about your own road to character, think about minor course corrections.  Put your hands on the steering wheel and create a life worthy of remembering!