Change

Fall is nature’s reminder that we are evolving and changing all the time.  It’s inevitable.  However, unlike the beautiful and colorful transformation we enjoy here in the Northeast, real life changes can be less… well, less beautiful.  Changes in our lives, particularly unexpected or unwelcome changes, can be difficult. Change can be hard and scary and exciting and invigorating and … for better or worse, inevitable.

I recently read an article in Psychology Today titled 5 Steps for Getting Through Any Difficult Situation by Howard C. Samuels, PsD.  I am going to very respectfully summarize his article because I think it's incredibly powerful advice for anyone who is struggling with change.  Whether it's a big and startling event or the slow unwelcome type of developments that wear you down, these perspectives can provide the constructive mental shift you need to stay strong and effective. 

Perspective #1. THIS TOO SHALL PASS – 

In assessing your situation, you also need to assess your life and look at what you've already survived and know that whatever you are going through cannot hold a candle to your indomitable spirit; that sometimes awful things occur because they are a necessary part of life, but these events -- like so many others before them -- are transitory and always, inevitably, serve as springboards to the next revelation, the next renewal, or the next chapter. This too, shall pass.

Perspective # 2. YOU ARE ONLY AS STRONG AS YOU WILL LET YOURSELF BE --.

You need to believe in your power, your capacity for resilience.

Samuels reminds us that we are worthy of a better life than the one we have now. The lie, sometimes, is in believing it is going to happen overnight. That isn't always the case. Sometimes, you merely have to accept the fact that you're going to have to take tiny, baby steps to reach your goal.

"But, I'm here to tell you, every tiny, baby step you take away from a bad thing is a tiny, baby step you are taking toward a good thing."

There is a wonderful quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that reminds me of this perspective: 

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Perspective # 3. NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLE DICTATE YOUR REALITY – 

When we are suffering through grief or loss, well intended friends will often give you advice about moving on, getting back out there, letting go of the past. Samuels suggests that we should define our experience of any loss on our own terms. “Because there is no timeline for grief and loss, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. We need only never be so consumed by it that we stop living”.

The trick is to not let this profound sadness get in the way of living our lives, and participating in the relationships and support we still have. 

Samuels goes on to describe some of his personal losses and says “ My point is that life goes on, sure, but it is My Life, and I am allowed to experience grief in whatever way it manifests itself as long as I understand that there are also things I can do – actions I can take – to insure that I am not crippled by sadness and loss”.

Perspective # 4. TURN IT OVER –

Samuels shares one of his favorite sayings is, "You have not exhausted every resource at your disposal until you've asked for Help". He continues “This is such a beautiful saying because we are taught that reaching out and asking for help is a sign of weakness or vulnerability. We are taught to keep our own council and – no matter what is happening at home -- never let anyone see who we really are. Even when doing so causes more harm than good.

When I say, "Turn it over", what I am asking you to do is let some outside agency – whether it be God, or just another person or persons – help you. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, saying you should give up and let other people do things FOR you, but I am saying that learning how to ask for help and then letting that help arrive in whatever form it chooses, and then trusting that help. 

Human beings aren't the only ones at your disposal, either. Prayer and meditation are the wellsprings of spirituality. Both take commitment and dedication, but nothing works unless you take into account that belief is power; you need to know in your heart of hearts that you are being heard and helped and loved by a power greater than yourself, and that you are never alone.”

Perspective # 5. YOU MISS 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU DON'T TAKE –

When former professional ice-hockey player Wayne Gretzky said that, I don't think he knew he'd be starting a movement. Because it's true. The adage, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" specifically applies to many of us who are walking through life's difficulties. 

Participation will always bring us greater rewards than staying on the sidelines, where nothing can be achieved.

Change is always opportunity whether we welcome it or not.  It shows up in unexpected ways and takes shapes we may find unacceptable.  We cannot manage all that happens, in fact we control very little of it.  But what we do control, entirely, is our response to life’s challenges.  

I like to remind myself that every new day brings with it the opportunity for profound change.  The potential for glorious good fortune is just as likely as the potential for trauma and profound loss.  The point is that it’s all available to us and with each new day we get another shot at it. It will always be just that way; it’s our human condition.

imagecredit: 4photos.com