You Have a Friend Request

Friends show up in our lives in many different ways. Certainly our dance with social media has given the idea of "friend" a whole new meaning!  The friend request I extend to you today is different.  It’s a reminder that the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. This request is a request to be a friend to yourself.

I think most us have a core group of people in our lives who truly matter to us.  Within this group we may have partners and family members, siblings and spouses, children, parents and friends ~ others who are significant in our lives.  And although we may not always get it right, when we relate to this group of insiders we always “try”.

• We try to be present and available.
• We try to empathize and support; we exercise caution when our insiders are having a tough day.
• We try to be gentle when we have to give some not so positive feedback.  

We are a “friend”. We know that being a friend sometimes is about saying what the other needs to hear even if it’s not exactly what they want to hear. We always try to come from a loving and constructive place.  We know how to do this for others and we never stop trying or caring about doing this well and yet so many of us find it incredibly difficult to be a friend to ourselves.  We can be so incredibly hard on ourselves. We would never be so unforgiving to someone we cared about. 

Being a “friend” to yourself requires that you examine your self-talk.  Self-talk is the internal dialogue we maintain with ourselves. For most of us it’s a quiet running conversation.  You must take care how you speak to yourself because you are listening. 

Listen to your self-talk, and evaluate your internal dialogue:

• What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?
• How do you debrief after a bad day at work?
• How do you replay that fight you had with a loved one?
• What is the conversation you have with yourself when you experience disappointment or rejection?

Do you need to be a better friend to yourself? Here are some things you can do…

• Keep a context.  Focus on the big picture~ your life is made up of many successes and failures~ don’t let any single event challenge your perception of yourself. Remember that life is journey and no particular moment will ever truly reflect all of who you are.
• Celebrate successes.  Make sure you give yourself credit for all the good things you have done.
• Forgive your failures, look at opportunities for improvement, look at your life experience as an experiment.
• Keep your sense of humor.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.
• Stay hopeful and humble, expect good things to happen and stay optimistic.  

Most importantly, talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.  

image credit: gibbonsdigital.com